Friday, February 7, 2014

30 Week Blog Challenge: Week 22- Current Relationship

This week's blog challenge asks us to talk about our relationship. I'm not currently in a romantic relationship.

So, I guess that I will talk about friendships.  Friendships are pretty hard for me. I have a few people I still keep in contact from school every once in awhile. Although we practically grew up together, we aren't close these days. We lead our separate lives.

I remember after high school, I had to learn a hard lesson about who were my real friends. There was a person from my past whom my mother warned me about.  In high school, she only ate lunch with me when her friends weren't around. I don't want to smother people or expect to spend every single moment with them, looking back, I was just convenient to her.  I wanted to hang out with her outside of school, but it was always bad timing and excuses.  She invited me to her graduation party, but when I got there I felt very out of place and was ready to go home. Did she invite me to shut me up or because her mother probably made her?  Probably.  After that, I would call but she was always busy.  Everything my mother warned me about was true. Why was I so hard headed? Eventually, I stopped trying and all contact ceased.

Through the years, making friends have been a challenge and keeping in contact with people is challenging. Sometimes it seems easier to be friends with someone who is physically challenged.  In school, the physically challenged community stuck together and socialized.  I guess the idea is that we will understand each other, relate to each other's problems, etc.  For the most part, the other kids would shy away from us.  There is also that feeling of always having to explain things.

As far as making friends goes, I'm pretty introverted.  I also wonder if these new friends would want to be seen with me, see me as a burden, or just in my life for a season. I also question if they are out to use me. It's crazy, I know, but sometimes these are things that I think about.  I wonder how they will feel about my taste in books, music, etc.  I also wonder, how long is this going to last?

Last year, I thought that I found a good friend.  At first, I felt apprehensive and always cautious. Things were going well and we hung out and went places.  So everything was going great and moving along smoothly.  In a blink of an eye, it all changed.  I won't go into details here, because it is not the place for it and it is not my style to put all my personal business on the Internet or call people out of online.  To cut a long story short, I found out that she was gossiping about a family member.  It bothered me, and  I have kept my distance from her ever since.

There is one lesson I have learned repeatedly over the years: once you learn someone's true feelings or the truth about someone, there is no turning back.  If I was to reconnect with this person, it wouldn't be the same.  I wouldn't be able to trust this person knowing that they gossiped.

As far as keeping in contact with people, I try to call, but I feel like I am always calling at a bad time.  I don't want to be that annoying person who constantly calls people. Once, I had someone block my number. Also, I had someone to tell me that they preferred texts and emails rather than phone calls.  I guess they tired of me calling.  So that's why I embraced social media, texting, and emails, and old fashion letters.

As of right now, I have a few people that I can call good friends.  At the end of the day, all you really need is one good friend. It is better to have one good friend than 500 fake ones on Facebook.  Here is some food for thought.  How many friends can you turn to in your time of need?  Who can you turn to when you are feeling down and not gossip about you?  Who can you call at 2 am if you are in trouble?

Romantic relationship are scary. There was one person who I thought cared about me, but in the end he didn't. Once again, I was just convenient, he was just in my life for a season. I often worry if the next person I meet will accept me as I am, frown at my interests, and other concerns.  Would I be willing to pursue an interracial relationship?  Honestly, I am apprehensive. Will I be judged by others?  Well, of course.

So there you have it, relationship.  This wasn't the easiest post to write.

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