Monday, January 27, 2014

30 Week Blog Challenge: Week 21- Fears

This week's blog challenge asks us to write about our fears.

The reality of fear is that it is crippling or paralyzing. Fear causes us to expect failure or to be apprehensive. What are my fears?

I fear that I will never have the opportunity to get married or have children. I often hear about people I know whose marriages fell apart because their spouse was unfaithful.  I often wonder if it is better to just stay single and avoid all the hurt and pain.  I knew a woman who didn't get married until she was in her 50's.  I often wonder if I will end up like her.

I also fear that I will never find someone to love me.  I have crushed on guys, but they a so far out of my league-I know that they wouldn't give me the time of day or even like me back. Again, I fear that if I meet someone they will hang around for a little while, get bored or sick of me and move on to something better. Why do I feel this way?  Because this very thing has happened to me.

I fear that I will never be able to find a job where my vision impairment won't be an issue. Three years ago, I applied for a part time job at the library. I thought that the interview went well until the end. The lady from HR questioned if I would be able to see to shelve the books. I told her yes. The following week she called and said that she gave the job to someone else. I was crushed. Friday, I was told that I should identify myself as visually impaired more.  Seriously?  My abnormal glasses does that for me. I have always tried to blend with that goal of drawing less attention to myself.  I always thought if I "blend in" it would make a difference and I wouldn't get so much attention. I have even considered not wearing my glasses to my next interview, but that may not be a smart idea.

I guess that the whole "blending in" thing came about when I was in school. I wanted the regular sized
textbooks instead of hauling around large oversized large print books.  I feel strange using my monocular at fast food restaurants or to read far away signs.  Once, I had someone tell to put it away.  So now, I know what's on the dollar menu, but have the tendency to order the same old things. Recently, I decided to look up menus online, and I discovered some new things that McDonald's  has, like their white chocolate mocha or bacon double cheeseburger.

I fear that I will not be fully prepared if or when I lose my sight.  I have always dreamed of moving out of state.  I would be nice to live near the beach, but there is the fear of hurricane season.  It's going to happen-like it or not. I once thought that it would be cool to live in California, but there's earthquakes. However, an earthquake can happen anywhere.

Some years ago, I planned to move away.  Soon, people were quoting crime statistics for the city I was planning to move to. After awhile, I lost interest.  I appreciate their concern, but no place is 100% safe, so you have to use common sense.

The problem with fear is that it can hold you back from taking risks and trying ne w things. Fear can even allow you to miss out on opportunities they may only come around once in a lifetime.

When I was little I fail off the monkey bars and ever since then, I would not attempt to cross the monkey bars.

What's the lesson here? Don't let fear hold you back from doing the things that you enjoy or dream of.  You have to find a way to face your fears and overcome them. Remember to use common sense.

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